love between us is
speech and breath. Loving you is
a long river running.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Why do we build walls? We build walls around our hearts and our minds, and for what? All that happens is that someone knocks them down, we get scared, and have to learn to love all over again. No I am not talking about just a romantic relationship. I am talking about every relationship. In every friendship I have, I reach a point where I have to consciously choose to drop my barriers and truly let someone in past my normal everyday "facade".
For instance, I joined Facebook finally. Now with something like Facebook, for me most people fit into three categories:
1. I never wanted to see them again
2. I am already friends with you so facebook doesn't matter ..... or....
3. I am glad facebook exists because I found you again after losing touch
(disclaimer: if you are reading this, you are not the first category on that list)
I have to learn to let the last category back into my life again. I am usually an open book, meaning I don't hold back (unless it is with my bosses) and If you ask me about something, I will give you an honest answer (for the most part, i.e. see the previous boss bit). Most say I am a little too open. But even I have to put aside those walls we automatically build from everyone else.
I guess what I am getting at is that I have to appreciate the small things in life. For instance, I just reconnected with a REALLY good friend that I shouldn't have let get out of touch ( you know who you are, crazy ass!) and it has put me in a solidly good mood for 4 days now. I should be still bitching about my mp3 player being stolen from work last week, but here I am smiling because of this connection with my not-so-distant-and-pretty-happy past. And the best part of it all is this friend never really knew how much she meant to me, so now I get a second chance at telling her what a great person and great friend she is....
Shit...Never sleep on second chances!
Don't be afraid to continually connect. You will be surprised at what you find out, both about others and about yourself.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
So for the last three days I have been having dreams about having a child. I don't know what that is about. It could be that my terrific sister (in law) is expecting my first niece. It could be that I sent off three, yes three, mother's day cards to my mom. I don't know what the hell it is but it is really fuckin me up right now. I am buying clothes for my niece and shit, and all it makes me want to do is have a son. I don't even know if I would make a good mom. A part of me has always felt kids where in the cards for me, and a part (larger) of me has always felt that it just wasnt meant to be. I don't like everything it would take to get pregnant, but if I were to get pregnant, it would be a beautiful experience. I bitch too much to have a child right now anyway, as most everyone knows about me. And morning sickness (and sickness of all pregnancy kinds) runs in my family. You should hear the stories my mom says.
So I think if we wanted to keep my baby in the country ( and I dont mean my offspring) I think we should impregnate me with her egg. That would solve all the problems in my world right now.... What do you think?
The Frames - Falling Slowly
I don't know you but I want you all the more for that.
Words fall through me and always fool me and I can't react.
And games that never amount to more than they're meant will play themselves out...
Take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time.
Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice. You've made it now....